Monday, March 24, 2008

Sour Candies

I wish I had a chocolate addiction. People I know who have strong chocolate addictions have managed to find healthy ways to stifle this craving; "All I need to satisfy me is one small square of dark chocolate in the afternoon and another at night." I hear them say. Low in calories and high in anti-oxidants, the littlest taste of cocoa and butterfat can sustain my friends all day.

This is the "Big Daddy" bar from the amazing Jacques Torres.

Over 2 lbs is $22 and you can break it up into guilt-free little pieces.

Those of us addicted to sour candies are not so lucky. When I finish eating a regular sized bar of chocolate, I'm like: "Oh, that tasted good. That satiated me. I don't need to eat another one for 6-8 months." But when I finish a regular sized bag of Sour Patch Kids, my eyes gleam red and I'm like: "WHY HAS THIS BAG EMPTIED!! SOMEONE GIVE ME FIVE MORE BAGS OR EVERYONE'S DEAD!!!". Even the monster sized bags at the movies seem small. (For this reason it is a joy to go to the movies with Helers - he never finishes anything he eats, strange Ascetic that he is. (He in turn would probably tell me a "lady never completes a bag of sweets" because Steve is from the pre-Great Fire 1900's)).

Get on with the sour candies, you are saying about now, enough with the vaguely interesting anecdotes. Fine, fine.

1. Haribo Gummi Candy, Sour Cherries

When the concept of Sour met Sweet, it was like when Paul McCartney met John Lennon. Then when Sour and Sweet met Chewy, it was like they ran into Mick Jagger at the post office and had one long jam session. When Sour and Sweet and Chewy met Cherry, it was like the cops came to break up the jam session and the sheriff was Michael Jackson in 1981 and he like moonwalked all over the place.

Price: $14.99 for a 5lb bag. At

2. When you're not eating candy and being healthful, you can still have a little sour candy kick, guiltlessly.

Sour Altoids are a great crunchy little mouth explosion. You can pop three at a time and know you're not consuming more than about 15 calories. (And don't you burn that by crunching them anyway?). They come in five flavors but I like tangerine the best.

Price: $19.90 for 8 tins at

3. Sour Bright Crawlers in Dylan's Candy Bar Paint Can

I don't NEED my sour candy to be in the shape of vermin, but boy do I like it.

Oh Dylan Lauren and Jeff Rubin. Thank you for taking your combined clout and good taste (Ralph Lauren's daughter and CEO of FAO Schwartz) and making the amazing Dylan's Candy Bar. Talk about instantly creating a magical New York institution that children hear about from across the country beg their parents to see. As a fat child, I would've been more interested in Dylan's Candy Bar than Disneyland. Actually, as a chubby 20-something when it opened, I was still pretty psyched. DCB deserves more of a shout-out than this mere mention, so I'll curtail further description until a later date.

You can buy these great Sour Bright Crawlers online though for $13 at


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